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Friday, February 06, 2009

Safety, Danger, or Just Plain Nerd

"I'm ordering these (holds up a sample for demonstration purposes) bright, orange safety vests for teachers to wear during recess,"  my principal announces to us during a staff meeting.  "We are having trouble with students not being able to find teachers on the playground."

It's official,...I'm extending the resume' to include: crossing guard,.. construction, road sign turner/holder,.. and hunter safety instructor.  These are all job fields in which you see people dressed in these bright orange vests.

What kid doesn't know where the teacher is at on the playground?  Half of my elementary life was spent as 'playground-teacher spotter'.  It was like reconnaissance Marine-style,.. only I was eight.  Anywhere you went on the playground you could hear the cries call out,...'Teeeeeeaaaccchhhheerrrrr!' as the teacher drew nearer to the action.  It was this help that allowed me the opportunity to climb up the poll, that was a slide down only poll.  It was this assistance that allowed me to kick the ball near the classroom windows, when I knew you were suppose to kick the ball a minimum 500 yards away from the building.  It was this very organized system that allowed me the opportunity to kiss my first girl.

Okay,.. that last part was just a recurring day dream I kept having about my present spouse.  But I think if she had been up for the moment, it could have happened.  

"Teachers!  Your orange vests have arrived and are ready for you to begin wearing them!"  Another staff meeting where my principal has seen her vision through to completion.  We don't have funds to pay for busing to go on a field trip, but there's enough money lying around to dress me like Elmer Fudd.  So be it.  I will wear the orange vest and be recognized by the very students who already know where I am,... but what about my safety?  Is it not an easy target for perhaps (and heaven forbid) a sniper who's looking to take out a teacher?  Have I not become more of a target for would-be vengeful deer who happened to survive the onslaught?  I feel that in the name of safety and the fact that children will be able to find a teacher on the playground, has just put me in mortal danger! 

The last point I question is the Nerd-Factor.  Oh sure, my principal is all smiles and wanting to save children from seconds of teacher disconnect.  But the true fact is, kids find me no matter what.  They will now not only find but they I will spend more recess time now telling me things like, "You look silly in that orange vest."  and "Are you leaving us to go work for the road commission?"

I can't wait for the next staff meeting. 

6 comments:

Unknown said...

Nerd Alert! Hey teacher, where's your shovel? Fixed any pot holes lately? How embarrassing, but I can't wait to see your picture in the next Lakeshore Light.

b said...

Please post pictures of you wearing the construction vests! May I suggest a hard hat as well, to protect your noggin from flying 4 square balls as well?

Are you wearing a t-shirt?

Love you all. Have fun in MN.

Anonymous said...

Hey Elmer, have you seen any bunny wabbits lately? do you need a hat to go with that new vest? do you carry a stick out for recess, cause y cant have a gun? I thought that kids would have a gps to know where teachers are at all times on the play ground anyway these days

Anonymous said...

PS--We wear these too! :) Mine doesn't fit over my 2 winter coats and hooded sweatshirt I wear for recess duty. You should try using that excuse...works for me!
~~Trish
Mishawaka Special Education

Anonymous said...

I have three options for you. 1) Invest in brightly colored shirts so the vest blends in. 2) Wear a hard hat with it just to be a troublemaker (so unlike you) 3) Put my legs through the arm holes and wear it through the bottom half.

Carl and Heather

Anonymous said...

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